


Saigo no Kosui (The scent of the end)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, M/M, Revenge Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 15:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: "I’ve always given everything to you, and it’s been months since I’ve gotten something in return. So don’t think that the fact that I’ve cheated first makes what you’ve done any less disloyal, because even though I’ve made a mistake, I’m not feeling guilty about it.”





	Saigo no Kosui (The scent of the end)

Kota knew what was going to happen.

He knew it because he knew himself, because there were details so huge that they can’t be ignored.

His guilty expression, for starters.

And a different smell on his skin, that smell that perhaps he was the only one to catch, but that couldn’t go away.

So, he had gotten inside the apartment aware of what was expecting him.

And he wasn’t scared, not too much.

It had been too long since he’d been waiting for a confrontation. He was tired of having to hide behind little credible excuses, even duller lies, behind Hikaru’s eyes pretending they didn’t see the problem and behind their own cowardice, that until then had avoided a clear argument about what was happening to their relationship.

Because all Kota could see were pieces of what they had once been, he could only see what they had done to each other through time, and he was sure that they both had their faults in it.

He was just tired to sit and watch six years of relationship slipping away from their fingers, and neither of them willing to do something to fix it.

When he got inside he found Hikaru in the living room, his legs and arms crossed.

He wasn’t doing anything; he looked grave, and his eyes shifted on him the exact moment he walked inside the room.

But he said nothing, and went back staring at a spot in front of him.

Kota sighed, and didn’t take his mutism well.

“Nothing to say?” he asked, standing in front of him, challenging.

Hikaru raised an eyebrow, slowly, a sarcastic look on his face.

“What is it you want to hear, Kota?” he asked, and his voice expressed more tiredness than real irony. “Want me to ask you if you had fun with Yuya? Want me to ask how’s the night been?” he licked his lower lip, shaking his head. “The writing’s on the wall, Kota. So I don’t see why I should stay here and ask if you’ve enjoyed screwing your best friend.”

Kota took the hit.

Of course he knew. Even if he had wanted to hide it somehow, he knew it wouldn’t have lasted long.

Yabu had never cheated because he was honest and because he loved his boyfriend, but he had to admit that his inability to hide anything had played its part as well in it.

And he kept smelling that scent on himself, and as much as he had enjoyed sleeping with Yuya, and feeling him under and around him, that scent sticking to his skin didn’t let him get out of his mind what he had done, and drenched him in a guilt that he hadn’t thought he could’ve felt.

Meanwhile Hikaru stared at him, waiting for him to reply, even though there was nothing to say.

“Want to hear me say I’m sorry, Hikka?” he asked, sadness in his eyes, and the voice of who didn’t really want to take up the argument.

“I couldn’t care less about your sorrow, Kota.” the other spit the words, suddenly mad. “When I’ve told you the two of you were too close, that I didn’t like the way you looked at him, you told me you weren’t interested in him. So, why sleep with him at all?” he raised an eyebrow. “Was it to spite me? Have I done something? Well, in that case you’ve reached your goal perfectly.” he said, getting up and walking toward the bedroom.

Yabu rushed behind him, grabbing his arm and making him turn, so that he could look him in the eyes.

“No, Hikka, it wasn’t out of spite. It was to let you know how it feels.”

A few seconds of silence followed, during which Hikaru’s eyes went wide, and he kept still staring at him.

But Kota didn’t falter, he had decided he wasn’t going to.

If Hikaru had enjoyed messing with him and believing Kota was too busy with everything else to realize what was going on in front of his eyes, he had miscalculated something.

Or maybe, he thought sadly, he didn’t know him as well as one would’ve expected after all those years.

Because Kota had seen it. He had seen Yamada’s looks, he had seen the lure in his behaviour.

And then one night there had been something different about his boyfriend, and it was Ryosuke’s scent, and he had decided it was over.

But he hadn’t had the courage to say anything, he hadn’t had the courage to tell him how disappointed he felt, betrayed, played.

Because Hikaru had thrown six years to the wind... and for what?

“I’m not letting you look that surprised, Hikaru.” he whispered, forcing himself to look him in the eyes. “And I’m not letting you deny something obvious. I’m tired of you tricking me, I think you owe me at least some honesty.”

“I was tired, Kota.” the other said then, not showing sorrow nor regret. “I was tired of you coming back home in a foul mood and going to sleep without saying a word, tired of the fights over everything, tired of the fact that you’ve begun taking me for granted. Tired that when we had sex you almost looked as if you were forcing yourself to touch me. Tired of this life, and I wanted something else, and Yamada was there. Nothing more, nothing less. I’ve always given everything to you, and it’s been months since I’ve gotten something in return. So don’t think that the fact that I’ve cheated first makes what you’ve done any less disloyal, because even though I’ve made a mistake, I’m not feeling guilty about it.”

Kota looked at his as he would’ve a stranger.

Who was the one Hikaru was talking about?

He had tired. Had tried to be a good boyfriend to him, had tried to make him happy, had tried to...

He bit his lip.

He wasn’t going to lie to himself, it was pointless.

He hadn’t been trying for months, he had given up. It had been months since his desire to make their relationship better had been suffocated by the weight of their discord, by those useless fights that left their marks on them, that had piled up and hurt them, leading them on different paths.

“I’m sorry, Hikaru.” he said, because there was nothing to say that would’ve made it better, that would’ve helped the grotesque situation they were in.

Yaotome looked at him, spiteful, and Kota knew he had already said how little he cared for his sorrow, but he had nothing else to offer him.

They had hatred and rage, and nothing else.

So the elder kept quiet and went to the bedroom, taking off his clothes and unwillingly getting into bed.

He wasn’t sleepy, he knew he wasn’t going to sleep that night.

He kept his eyes open, fixed on the door and the light coming from the other room.

Hikaru didn’t come to bed that night.

And, Kota knew it, he was never going to get into that bed anymore.


End file.
